To Do List
over/nightersi closed my eyes and when i opened them again,over/nighters by silverthorne-studios
suddenly autumn wasn’t wrapped around me anymore.
replacing its protection was ice
on my eyelashes and snow escaping with my breath.
i don’t know how to be this new person. confusion is tattooed on my temples,
a constant pounding headache.
i tried to not let it get this way.
but instead of staying at home and wrapping myself in a blanket and drinking my sorrows away in
coffee, i run away and hide in an old, cheap apartment on the second story.
the floor creaks as i walk on the stained carpet
but i’d rather curl up under blankets next to someone who doesn’t love me
than try to figure out a response to someone who does.
safe havens aren’t always what you think they will be.
third wheeling it in a semi-awkward silence, burying myself in homework.
my phone is dead. can’t respond to anyone. peace.
sometimes we just watch movies and order domino’s pizza
and sometimes we drive around in the rain, too, and
12.1.16.there isn’t really a way to feel warmth in the winter time.12.1.16. by silverthorne-studios
frost collects as dust,
subconscious fragments of used-to-bes
almostforever in fragile pieces of what once was a story.
materializing in the oddest of places: little cracks in the sidewalk and
in | between the faded pages of books in an old, unwandered bookstore—
ice, preserving memories that [should] have been forgotten.
fa(sin)ated .i peek at the stars,fa(sin)ated . by silverthorne-studios
because even though they’re so far away
it seems like maybe
there’s more to them than
overused metaphors and clichés.
at least i haven’t forgotten how to breathe yet.
silently, the air fills my lungs—once . . . twice
sometimes i’m too busy memorizing faces
and reading in between lines that i almost
forget. i almost stop time in between my teeth
and start living(drowning) in those split second moments
when bad decisions are made and promises are
br o k e
but i don’t and sometimes it makes me feel
foolish that i find constellations in eyes
and patterns in smiles but then i remember
what i said about girls and believing and doing.
she believed she could and so she did
it’s a whisper, slipping against my skin
and settling against my ribcage. i can’t get rid of it.
before thishe didn’t create me to be independent.before this by silverthorne-studios
he didn’t ask for me to be strong.
i would have done anything for him
and yet somehow
giving my everything to him just wasn’t enough.
i guess nobody really told me about the difference
between love and infatuation.
maybe they should have.
maybe it would have stopped me.
i wouldn’t have learned submission.
i wouldn’t have learned how to shove my feelings away
and do anything to make him happy.
do you know what it’s like to be in a relationship where only the other person matters, but that’s okay because you’re “beautiful and amazing and way more than i deserve” except you took too long to respond and you accidentally said yes and now everything is spiraling out of control and you can’t stop it so you just keep going even though you know in your heart you’re gonna get hurt...
i didn’t think i was looking for a relationship.
i didn’t realize i was
ana | 18 yrs old | equestrian | writer | photographer
That's basically me in a nutshell right there <33 Call me Ana, Silver, whatever you'd like. I'm a freshman in college, on my way to major in social work and minor in criminal justice, and I'm kind of a mash-up of a lot of stuff. I first created this account for my photomanipulations a few years ago, but it has since evolved into a place for all my artistic endeavors including photography, writing, and occasionally digital drawings. In everything I do I am merely an amateur and hobbyist - I don't plan on going to school for art, but I do enjoy it.
I love and appreciate every single favorite, comment, watch, page view, etc. even if I don't get the chance to thank everybody for their support.
s, comments/critiques, and s always welcomed and greatly appreciated! You do not need to thank me for favs and watches, it's simply my way of supporting all the great artists deviantart has to offer.
DevID Picture by Shelley Paulson. www.shelleypaulson.com
I didn’t see the sign telling me I had a stop sign ahead. I didn’t see the stop sign. I didn’t see the van right in front of me.
One second, I was listening to music, driving down the road to work. The next, I was screaming as I braced myself against the wheel of my car, slamming on my brakes and skidding into the ditch. One second. One second of not paying attention was all it took to make me realize maybe I wasn’t as safe of a driver as I thought I was. I didn’t understand what happened at first. In a daze, I saw my deployed air bags and the crumpled hood of my car, smoke leaking out. Lurching out of my vehicle, I stared in disbelief behind me at the stop sign I somehow missed. I couldn’t breathe. I saw the van I hit. Kids. There were kids in the backseat. A man was running over to me, shouting profanities in my face. All I could do was stutter, tears streaming down my cheeks.
I got lucky. Nobody was hurt in the accident I caused. If I had been a split second earlier, I would have T-boned the other vehicle, and the accident could have been much worse. Instead, I was shaken up with a couple bruised knees. The couple in the other vehicle, and their children, were just shaken up as well.
After my accident, I became a different driver. I got a ticket for running a stop sign and had to go to court for it. I had to complete six months of probation where I couldn’t get any moving traffic violations, so I basically didn’t drive anywhere. I was too afraid to risk getting a ticket or getting into another accident and ruining my record. Once I did start driving again, I felt like I was starting over. After an entire winter of little to no driving after my accident, getting behind the wheel again was nerve wracking. I felt like I was starting over. Now, I’m comfortable driving again. However, almost every time I get into my car, I still think about my accident. When I pass an intersection (even an empty one), I still cringe and slow down. If there’s another car coming up to a stop sign, I still tense up, almost expecting them to blow through it, like I did. However, that has led me to drive more carefully. I don’t “space out” like I used to. I watch other drivers more too. I expect the worst and plan for it.
Of course I had known about distracted driving before my accident. Just like everyone else, I had heard the warnings not to text and drive or eat while driving, etc. Nobody ever told me that my own mind could be my greatest threat while driving. I’ve never eaten while driving. I don’t apply makeup or text or do anything but drive while I’m behind the wheel. I don’t speed or drive aggressively, and I always wear my seatbelt. I don’t even listen to my music very loudly. I envisioned myself as a pretty safe driver. Until the day I didn’t see a stop sign and hit another vehicle. Maybe I was just too comfortable. I was used to driving on one road to work, but that road was closed. I took another way and the new route had a stop sign in a spot that my normal route didn’t. I was on autopilot, listening to my music and thinking about something, I’m sure. But I wasn’t on my road. I was on a different road and my distracted driving led me to get into an accident.
I’m grateful my accident wasn’t worse. Despite scaring myself and my family, going through court and insurance processes, and having to buy myself a new car, at the very least no one was seriously injured. I was startled into developing better driving habits. I pay more attention to the road and those around me now. I also understand the importance of having good car insurance. The driver of the vehicle I hit did not have insurance but I did. My insurance paid for my expenses, making it easier for me to move forward. I feel in the end that I have learned a lot and am better off having gone through this horrible ordeal.