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Literature Text
he didn’t create me to be independent.
he didn’t ask for me to be strong.
i would have done anything for him
and yet somehow
giving my everything to him just wasn’t enough.
i guess nobody really told me about the difference
between love and infatuation.
maybe they should have.
maybe it would have stopped me.
maybe,
i wouldn’t have learned submission.
maybe,
i wouldn’t have learned how to shove my feelings away
and do anything to make him happy.
do you know what it’s like to be in a relationship where only the other person matters, but that’s okay because you’re “beautiful and amazing and way more than i deserve” except you took too long to respond and you accidentally said yes and now everything is spiraling out of control and you can’t stop it so you just keep going even though you know in your heart you’re gonna get hurt...
i didn’t think i was looking for a relationship.
i didn’t realize i was desperate
and lonely
and a perfect little mess for someone like him to scoop up.
but i was.
he taught me how to be dependent.
he expected me to be weak.
and
dammit, please don’t be mad at me because i didn’t mean to and i love you and you mean so much to me but i guess love is spelled with three letters now instead of four and what i didn’t realize was how destructive those letters could be.
and the strange thing is, i didn’t see any of it.
i didn’t see my tear stained pillow or
the way i craved to be connected to him every minute
of every day.
my feelings leaked onto paper in shaky ink and graphite letters,
how couldn’t i see how miserable he was making me?
i was
attached.
unprepared.
infatuated. clingy.
desperate. needy. weak.
miserable. miserable. miserable.
well it isn’t like my feelings matter anyway, don’t worry i’ll be happy for the both of us, don’t worry i’m strong i can handle it. wait. what is strength?
he took away who i was.
he filled me with false hopes and attention and
i didn’t even notice that my identity was
slipping away every message, picture, video, meeting.
i bled and i gasped for air and i
couldn’t find it
when he left.
i hadn’t ever considered what it would be like when such a huge part of my life left but the emptiness and the cravings and the depression tore into me until i wasn’t even the shell of a person i’d become for him. where did he go why can’t i remember how to be alone and why, just.. why… is there this hole inside me that never.. used to be there...
he didn’t ask for me to be strong.
i would have done anything for him
and yet somehow
giving my everything to him just wasn’t enough.
i guess nobody really told me about the difference
between love and infatuation.
maybe they should have.
maybe it would have stopped me.
maybe,
i wouldn’t have learned submission.
maybe,
i wouldn’t have learned how to shove my feelings away
and do anything to make him happy.
do you know what it’s like to be in a relationship where only the other person matters, but that’s okay because you’re “beautiful and amazing and way more than i deserve” except you took too long to respond and you accidentally said yes and now everything is spiraling out of control and you can’t stop it so you just keep going even though you know in your heart you’re gonna get hurt...
i didn’t think i was looking for a relationship.
i didn’t realize i was desperate
and lonely
and a perfect little mess for someone like him to scoop up.
but i was.
he taught me how to be dependent.
he expected me to be weak.
and
dammit, please don’t be mad at me because i didn’t mean to and i love you and you mean so much to me but i guess love is spelled with three letters now instead of four and what i didn’t realize was how destructive those letters could be.
and the strange thing is, i didn’t see any of it.
i didn’t see my tear stained pillow or
the way i craved to be connected to him every minute
of every day.
my feelings leaked onto paper in shaky ink and graphite letters,
how couldn’t i see how miserable he was making me?
i was
attached.
unprepared.
infatuated. clingy.
desperate. needy. weak.
miserable. miserable. miserable.
well it isn’t like my feelings matter anyway, don’t worry i’ll be happy for the both of us, don’t worry i’m strong i can handle it. wait. what is strength?
he took away who i was.
he filled me with false hopes and attention and
i didn’t even notice that my identity was
slipping away every message, picture, video, meeting.
i bled and i gasped for air and i
couldn’t find it
when he left.
i hadn’t ever considered what it would be like when such a huge part of my life left but the emptiness and the cravings and the depression tore into me until i wasn’t even the shell of a person i’d become for him. where did he go why can’t i remember how to be alone and why, just.. why… is there this hole inside me that never.. used to be there...
rambles about old feelings 
© 2016 - 2024 silverthorne-studios
Comments1
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I think it means even more due to the fact that I know what it is about! It is a great read even though it makes me sad that you ever felt/are feeling this way 
You are a great person and only deserve to be happy 
. The writting style and layout is flawless by the way! There isn't a poem on here that I don't Like Great Job Ana!
Ponies everywhere because I know they make you happy ^_^
You are a great person and only deserve to be happy . The writting style and layout is flawless by the way! There isn't a poem on here that I don't Like Great Job Ana! Ponies everywhere because I know they make you happy ^_^